


Fellas Is It Gay To...

by empathetic_pomegranite



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Blow Jobs, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Cuddling, Gay Panic, I started this as a sweet fic and ended up with smut, M/M, Mamma Mia Karkat, Oral Sex, Rosemary appears once, cursing, two bros chillin on the meteor 2 millimeters aparts cause they're a little gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27537247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empathetic_pomegranite/pseuds/empathetic_pomegranite
Summary: Panic of the gay variety. That's it. That's the post.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	Fellas Is It Gay To...

Since when do trolls purr? How cute is that? An immeasurable amount. Yardsticks couldn't handle this. They'd have to hand on the job to their superiors in the measuring army, metersticks, the true heroes. The sticks that stick by you when you need them most. Stop thinking about yardsticks. It's lame. You're not lame. Most of the time you've known any of the trolls they have never seemed like the type to do anything that fits under the category of "cute". Maybe the culture of killing the people even slightly weaker than you has something to do with it, you don't know. But here Karkat is, on the couch, basically on your lap (when did he even get there?) purring loudly enough that you're sure it will wake someone on this flying rock up. Now that you mention it he looks just like a cat. A cat that has rabies. With the hair and sharp teeth, and very sharp claws. Does that make you a furry to like someone who looks and apparently sounds like an animal? Not that you like him. Which you don't. Definitely not. Did he just move? You glance at the stirring beast on your lap. Whew, still asleep.

You divert your focus to the TV. You fell asleep watching Mamma Mia for the god knows which time. Not as bad as you thought of it to be. Almost sing worthy.

As insufferable as he was with his long shouting rants that lead to nothing as he was, he turned out to be an okay dude. When he gets slightly calmer his arguments start lacking their steam and you're left with a guy that almost got that gigantic stick the size of tree out of his ass. Quite a handsome guy actually. You can say that because it isn't gay to compliment your friend's appearance. The straightest guys do that, just to prove their straightness. By that philosophy, kissing a guy, or looking at him in an adoring manner is a very straight thing to do.

Oh god he purred again. That is the most adorable thing. A pure moment of euphoria. You have the cutest alien friend known to man laying on you, warming you up and purring. Is this what having an emotional support animal is like? No way, this has to be better. Because being this close with a person (literally and figuratively) has never felt this comforting. The waves of the purring and warmth just keep on rolling away any thoughts you might want to have and only letting you keep this feeling of comfort. Who knew that comfort had such a red tint to it? Just as you were about to fall asleep again, Karkat moved under you. Boy oh boy did he move. His head moved upwards up your leg to use it as a pillow, but his hands, those were an issue. They happened to grasp the inside of your leg to support himself while moving, and decided that staying inches away from your crotch was just the perfect spot to rest. You aren't even starting to mention that the boy was vibrating while purring. If anyone is beginning to think of you as a sleezy dude who is gross for getting *ahem* reaction with their friend right in front of you, you will politely ask them of the last time their alien close attractive friend placed their vibrating hands right next to their dick. It's a special situation.

"Ummm, Karkat? You awake there dude?" No reply.

"Karkat? Can you maybe please wake up, for just a cool second?" You say slightly louder.

Finally, Karkat starts to stir. He raises his head to look at you and you're not sure why your heart skipped a beat, but you are very willing to ignore that. He looks at you and almost smiles. He's still grumpy from waking up, but at least he was already slowly waking up. He has a severe case of bedhead, but in your case couch-head, and he has never looked better.

"What in the everloving fuck did you have to wake me up for? Can't you just think for a second that just because you're awake doesn't mean that I have to be too? Or is it that you just can't get that through your thick as my fucking bulge head?" 

He shifts to yell at you better and while he does that he moves his hands away, but he also glances down to where he moved them away from and oh Jesus you regret your choices. Why couldn't he have just stayed asleep? You didn't have to wake him up. You could have just waited it out and you wouldn't be in this situation now. Your would not be giving you this questioning look, knowing that you got a hard on from barely any contact at all and all because of him, you would have nothing to be at a loss for words for.

"Ah, umm, This is nothing uh, I just got preoccupied thinking about um, women and their massive tiddies, yeah, forgot you were here dude, completely, and you were just vibrating like crazy with your purrs, so, uh, you can't blame a guy for being healthy right? This isn't what it looks like," Once you started talking you could barely stop.

"Stop running your mouth like a bubbling pot. This seems like it is exactly what it looks like. Which part is "not what it looks like"?" Karkat said while looking up at you again. Why does him looking mad look hot for no reason at all?

"Well, it looks like I'm a total gay loser and got a hard on to their asleep best friend, but that is definetly not the case here, this is only about you a little bit. Just a smidgen. You see, you were purring while sleeping and vibrating and that was difficult to ignore and so it your staring at me now and why do you look pretty while doing that? Did I say pretty? I meant pretty frustrating, define-"

"Listen nookwiff, I don't care about your human gay obsession or whatever smidgens means. Was it because of me or not?"

Why does he have to look like that while he's confronting you?! That isn't helping! It is just making matters harder for you (hehe). Now is the time to decide. Should you lie about it or not. Well, if you tell the truth now, you won't be confessing your full feelings now. You'll just be mentioning one tiny truth. How bad could that be?

"Because of you okay! Stupidly attractive you. You don't have to fucking step on me to get your answer," Fuck your imagination, the only thing you will imagine now is him stepping on you and ugh you suck at de-escalating this!

"Oh..." is the only thing Karkat is able to get out to your weird type of confession. Seriously, "oh" and that's it?

After a long pause which you though would break you of just Karkat just sitting there thinking and blushing like crazy he says something.

"I mean, I wouldn't mind, taking responsibility, since I am the reason this happened at all."

"Are you, saying what I think you're saying? Because if it's a joke it's very not funny."

"It"s not a joke dimwit I'm not that bad."

Holy shit did this escalate quickly (probably because of bad writing). But you are getting this chance to get your rocks off with somebody, and not just anybody, it's somebody that's just that beautiful, and just that comforting, with someone this fucking great. You know you didn't have a chance of saying no. You see Karkat getting uncomfortable and fidgety and he looks like he's about to say something.

"Yes then, I would love that," you reply. Here this fucking goes.

He instantly looks happier with his pointy ears pointing upwards.

Aaand, it's gone, he's back to his usual grumpy self. He zooms towards your face from his section of the couch and kisses you more forcefully than you think he meant to. You're going to need to crack your jaw back in its place after a few of those smooches. Not that you mind though with your hands slowly going up to hold on to his hair while you continue to kiss. He licks your lower lip, seeming to test the waters. Your tongues start to move together before you need to separate to breathe. Damn, he looks fucking gorgeous. He's starting to get red in the face and his pupils have been dilated enough that his eyes look mostly black. He's sitting next to you and panting and has the face of a person wanting more, and he's looking right at you. You kiss him again more calmly and gently this time, not wanting to rush things. That polite attitude is sadly met with him biting you lip almost as hard as he can and piercing your lip. He definetly underestimated how sharp his teeth really are. You feel blood on your tongue but not enough of it to scare you, it's not pooling and spilling out just yet.

"Oh, shoot, fuck, are you alright, that was my bad, I should have thought about it more, it just seemed like a hot thing to do in the moment and I thought that your skin wouldn't be as easy to break through."

"Kar, it's alright, just a teensy-weensy bit of blood, I'm not injured. You weren't wrong either. That was, I must admit hotter than the majority of ailing embers."

You kiss again until the hesitation is gone from Karkat. His hands lace themselves together behind you and your hands move beneath his sweater to his sides to palm at his bright red scar lookin things? You're going to have to ask about those later, you're a little busy at the moment. You try to palm at them more carefully and are surprised at the seemingly positive hitch of breath it elicits. Are they troll nipples or something like that? You have got to actually listen when Rose and Kanaya are perstering you about human and troll anatomy differences. If they aren't too caught up in their own personal snog-fest. Another moan from Karkst brings you right back to reality though. You're not sure why it just hits you but Karkat is very hot, in the temperature way, if he was a normal human you would have assumed he had a fever, but no, he was just like that all the time, hot as a furnace itself. You can tell that Karkat is beginning to get desperate with the way he is grinding his hips onto your thigh and the way he tugs at your godtier pajamas. You brings your hand to his jean button and stop kissing him for just a second to check if it's alright to get the pants off. He gives you a nod and you carry on as you were. This is the part where you should be getting freaked out about the whole alien thing, and the part where you don't really know what kind of junk the guy under you might have in his trunk, the only part you really know is something about buckets and that trolls are hermaphrodites, but that's about it. You manage to take off his jeans and underwear with only one awkward pause of fumbling with the fabric. You would have loved to make a dirty comment about how _drenched_ he is except for that somehow the red genetic material is everywhere, down to his thighs and you're sure it is already getting on the couch. You assumed the so called bulge would be different, but you didn't expect it to be _moving_ and the color of the troll's blood. How does he still look hot even with a literal hentai tentacle attached to him?

"You just gonna sit there and stare like a imbecile or are you actually going to do something?"

"Someone sounds awfully eager."

You move to hold his bulge in your hard and move your mouth to the narrow tip of his bulge until Karkat shrieks and pulls back.

"What were you about to do?! You don't just put your motherfucking mouth on a trolls bulge! Kismesises only do that when they're about to bite it off for Jegus's sake!"

"What's the big deal? It's just a blowjob. Do trolls not do that? Is it because of the teeth?"

Karkat doesn't answer but sits there frowning and looking embarrassed. So trolls really don't do fellatios, you guess that makes sense, judging how sharp the other trolls' teeth are. But that only means that Karkat's reactions are going to be extraordinary. Before he can try to get you to change your mind you put your mouth on most of his bulge, only missing the base, it being significantly thicker and all, the length of it enough to edge on reaching your throat. You're doing you best to ignore your gag reflex the best you can but you can feel tears starting to roll up to your eyes. You move up and down slowly sucking in your cheeks every once in a while. You look up to see Karkat's face. You were totally right, Karkat looks like he is losing his mind up there, attempting to cover his face with his sleeves, but you can still see him scrunching his eyes to the max, whimpering and whining when he isn't making clicking sounds. You speed up and start bobbing your head in earnest. Karkat's voice develops from tiny fast pants to sharp moans, getting more and more high pitched. 

"Da-Dave! I'm bout to- I'm gonna cum!"

He releases into your mouth while you make a mental note that the genetic material doesn't taste salty, it tastes more like watered down hard candy. The concerning part is when by the time you would have expected him to stop, he is still cumming, and it just. Doesn't. Stop. You're sure that some of it is already getting smeared on your face, and you're having a hard time swallowing it all. For a few moments afterward Karkat lays there looking Wrecked, with a capital W. 

"Looks like someone enjoyed themselves," you say grinning from ear to ear.

"Do you really have to make shitty comments on what you started doing in the first place? Grinning like a fool, you fucking idiot. Especially don't do that with my slurry on still on your face. Can you get a tissue or something?"

"Speaking of cleaning up, you got a point, I'll go get one now. Though you might want to take a look at your jeans, and sweater, and couch before criticizing me. Heck, might even check the ceiling to be sure."

You both look at the couch. Before you explain the days of cleaning it's going to take to the other passengers on this blasted meteor, you'll have to prove that no murder was committed, the red material looks on the couch looks like a crime scene of homicide. At least the couch isn't white. With your work cut out for you, you fail to think of your claims of straightness and just think one thing.

'We'll need to plastic wrap the couch.'

**Author's Note:**

> If you listen really closely, you can almost hear the vibrations of me projecting on to Dave my entire personality. Also, my golly did this turn out to be far longer than I expected.


End file.
